Oh Hey...

    Oh hey... I almost forgot you existed. hahaha just kidding I've been meaning to blog for a long time but I feel like I'm never home for long enough to sit down and type! So... Here is an update. The last show I did was the NGA show in October. I had so much fun and I ended up placing 1st in my height class and 1st place Overall Novice! I was really happy.. but at the same time it made me really want to do more and work harder and do some shows out of Utah. I wrote a post about it that you can go read: TBH
    Anyway... I was in that rut for a while. I was feeling so burnt out and having a really hard time getting to the gym. I'm telling you... competing it super draining!! I was in that rut through the end of October and all the way through November and even the beginning of December!! I still would go to the gym about twice a week but I dreaded it every time. I hated going and I would force myself. On the days I didn't go I felt so guilty. I wasn't eating right either. I hated eating because I was sick of all my healthy food and I was too lazy to meal prep. I still was eating deece healthy but not nearly enough. It wasn't until a couple weeks ago when a really good friend of mine gave me a talk. He told me that I'm one in a million. That fitness isn't for everyone and that I inspire people. He told me that I've inspired him and he told me to look at how far I've come in the last year. It was super sweet and it was exactly what I needed to hear to get up and moving again.
    Sometimes I'm too hard on myself when it comes to fitness and I sometimes feel like I'm not pushing hard enough and I start to think that what I'm doing will never be good enough. I'm so focused on wanting to help other people and wanting to set huge goals... that I sometimes forget why I started in the first place. I forget that I'm doing this for myself because I absolutely love it and I'm so passionate about it. If it starts to become a chore for me, there's no point anymore. So I changed my mindset. Now I'm focusing on doing ONLY what I want to do at the gym. I'm not following a training program right now. I needed a little break from it. Just to focus on whatever I want to do in that moment. So now when I go to the gym... I only do exercises that sound nice to me right then. It has helped me a lot. I still try to focus either on upper body or lower body in one day... I never do full body. It has really been helping me to be able to focus on what I feel my body needs. And then I can focus on different muscle groups in the same area, and really FEEL each one. My routine I was on before was great, but I just needed a change for a bit.
    My eating hasn't been the best, but it's a lot better than it was a couple weeks ago. Trying not to eat many carbs or fats. I still need to work on eating more everyday though. But I'm trying not to deprive myself too much. And the less I think of it as "depriving myself," the less I want to eat the bad stuff and the more I just want to eat the healthy stuff that makes me feel good. That's how it should always be... but I started to feel like I was forced to workout and forced to eat healthy. Now I'm doing it because I choose to!! I'll try to keep this page updated but.. you know I struggle hahah. I plan to compete next in May at the Emerald Cup. The goal is to put on some muscle between now and then and then dial in real tight right before the show :) Thanks for readin!